What Am I Reluctant to Do? Just Ask.
One of the hardest things about reluctance is that we often don’t recognize it in ourselves. We have reasons, explanations, and justifications. We tell ourselves we’re busy, waiting for the right time, or simply not interested.
But to the people who know us well, our reluctance may be obvious.
Here’s an exercise that takes courage.
Ask someone you trust—a spouse, close friend, family member, or respected colleague – this simple question:
“Have you noticed things I’m reluctant to do?”
Ask sincerely. Then be patient.
At first, they’ll probably hesitate.
Why? Because they care about you.
Most people don’t enjoy pointing out another person’s shortcomings. They don’t want to hurt your feelings or start an argument. And you already may have given them a dose or two of your Misguided Defensiveness. So you may hear something like, “Not really,” or, “Nothing comes to mind.”
Don’t let the conversation end there.
Instead, gently encourage them.
“Think about it for a minute. There have to be a few things.”
Once they know you’re genuinely asking – not fishing for compliments – they’ll usually begin to answer.
They might say:
“It would be nice if you apologized a little sooner.”
“You tend to put off difficult conversations.”
“You avoid cleaning up the yard until it really needs it.”
“You hesitate to ask for help.”
“You don’t always tell people how much you appreciate them.”
Don’t interrupt.
Don’t explain.
Don’y get offended.
Don’t defend yourself.
Just listen.
The purpose of the exercise isn’t to prove them wrong. It’s to discover what they see that you may not.
Some of their observations will surprise you.
Others may sting a little. A few may even be inaccurate.
That’s okay.
You’re not conducting a courtroom cross-examination. You’re gathering data about how your behavior appears to others. If several trusted people identify the same reluctance, pay attention.
One of the greatest obstacles to personal growth is believing we already see ourselves clearly. We don’t. We all have blind spots, and the people who care about us often notice them long before we do.
Reluctance has a way of quietly shaping our lives. It can delay apologies, postpone important decisions, weaken relationships, and keep us from taking actions that would make life better.
The good news is that once a reluctance is identified, it loses much of its power. You can acknowledge it, work on it, and gradually replace hesitation with decisive action.
Sometimes the most valuable mirror isn’t the one in your bathroom. It’s the honest friend willing to answer an uncomfortable question.
Aspire.
Be Less Rekuctant.
Come Upwards with Us™
