Don’t Base Your Happiness on Anyone Else
I often get asked questions along the lines of:
“You question a lot of the typical advice others give. What’s some advice you find especially useful of valuable that others don’t give?”
This may initially sound cynical, but it’s very practical.
Don’t base your happiness on anyone else.
It may be one of the simplest truths I know, and one of the hardest for people to fully embrace.
Many of us spend years – even decades – waiting for someone else before we allow ourselves to be happy.
We wait for approval.
We wait for recognition.
We wait for affection.
We wait for support.
We hope to be loved.
We wait for understanding.
We wait for appreciation.
We wait for an apology.
We wait for someone to notice our efforts, validate our feelings, or finally become the person we hoped they would be.
In doing so, we unknowingly hand over control of one of the most important parts of our lives.
Our happiness.
The mistake is understandable. Relationships matter. Family matters. Friends matter. Love matters. We are social beings, and the people around us can enrich our lives tremendously.
But there is a difference between allowing people to contribute to your happiness and making them responsible for it.
That distinction changes everything.
When your happiness depends upon another person’s choices, you become vulnerable to circumstances you cannot control.
If they approve, you’re happy. If they criticize, you’re unhappy. If they stay, you’re happy. If they leave, you’re unhappy. If they recognize your value, you’re happy. If they don’t, you’re unhappy.
That is a difficult way to live.
Not because people are bad, but because people are human.
They are imperfect.
They are distracted.
They are dealing with their own struggles, fears, and priorities.
And yet many of us place our emotional well-being in their hands.
I have seen people postpone happiness for years while waiting for someone else to change.
Waiting for a relationship to improve.
Waiting for a former partner to return.
Waiting for a family member to finally understand.
Waiting for a boss to appreciate them.
Waiting for life to provide some signal that they are now allowed to enjoy themselves.
What a costly delay.
The truth is that happiness does not have to wait.
You can pursue your goals and still be happy.
You can work hard and still be happy.
You can improve yourself and still be happy.
You can strive, build, create, and achieve while also appreciating where you are today.
In fact, one of the overlooked aspects of living large is being happy now.
Not someday.
Not after the promotion.
Not after the recognition.
Not after everyone agrees with you.
Now.
This does not mean pretending everything is perfect. It does not mean lowering your standards or abandoning your ambitions.
It means refusing to postpone your happiness until someone else behaves the way you want them to behave.
It means reclaiming ownership of the vital emotions of your being, and your life.
It means recognizing that while others may influence your happiness, they should never determine it.
Perhaps that is one of the greatest freedoms available to us.
To stop waiting.
To stop outsourcing.
To stop giving away authority over how we feel.
The race is on.
Pursue your dreams.
Build meaningful relationships.
Work toward worthwhile goals.
But don’t make the mistake of putting your happiness on hold while you wait for someone else.
The happiest people I know have learned a simple lesson:
Don’t base your happiness on anyone else.
Choose it. Protect it. Carry it with you.
And let others add to it rather than control it.
Aspire.
Come Upwards with Us™
