Note: We will address more of the behaviors that are ultimately self-limiting (and harmful) in this week’s The No Cry Zone – Watch for it).
What’s Really Holding You Back?
We often tell ourselves we’re waiting for the right time. But what if the thing standing between you and your next step isn’t timing—it’s reluctance?
Discover the hidden patterns that keep people stuck and learn how to move forward with clarity and intention.
Celebrate UnReluctant Day with Reluctance: The Subtle Saboteur: How to Get Going Again.
When was the last time you used the phrase warding off?
Not recently, I suspect.
It is one of those useful expressions that has quietly faded from everyday conversation.
We still recognize it when we hear it. We might talk about warding off a cold, warding off danger, or warding off bad luck. Yet most of us rarely use the phrase to describe our own behavior.
Perhaps we should.
Because many people spend a surprising amount of their lives warding things off.
Not physical threats.
Emotional ones.
We ward off embarrassment.
We ward off rejection.
We ward off criticism.
We ward off disappointment.
We ward off uncertainty.
We ward off vulnerability.
We ward off the possibility of looking foolish, being wrong, failing publicly, or hearing something we would rather not hear.
The interesting thing is that we seldom describe our actions this way.
Instead, we say we are being careful.
We say we are waiting for the right time.
We say we are protecting ourselves.
We say we are managing risk.
Sometimes those explanations are accurate.
Prudence has its place. There are genuine dangers in life, and some things should indeed be warded off.
But there is another possibility.
Sometimes we are not managing risk.
We are managing discomfort.
And that distinction matters.
Consider the person who wants to write a book but never starts. Are they really avoiding the work? Or are they warding off criticism?
Consider the person who wants a deeper relationship but never makes themselves vulnerable. Are they protecting themselves? Or are they warding off heartbreak?
Consider the employee who wants advancement but never volunteers for visible assignments. Are they being cautious? Or are they warding off the possibility of failure?
The answers may be uncomfortable.
That is precisely why they are worth exploring.
One of the greatest obstacles to personal growth is not the presence of danger but the habit of organizing our lives around avoiding unpleasant feelings.
Many people believe they are pursuing success when, in reality, they are primarily warding off discomfort.
The result is a defensive life.
A smaller life.
A life devoted more to prevention than creation.
This does not mean we should recklessly expose ourselves to every risk. Wisdom requires discernment. Some things deserve to be warded off.
Toxic relationships.
Needless dangers.
Self-destructive habits.
But many of the experiences that enrich our lives come bundled with emotions we cannot completely avoid.
Every meaningful relationship carries the possibility of disappointment.
Every worthwhile goal carries the possibility of failure.
Every act of self-expression carries the possibility of criticism.
Every opportunity carries uncertainty.
If we insist on warding off every uncomfortable feeling, we may also ward off many of the experiences we most desire.
A useful question to ask yourself is:
What am I trying to ward off right now?
The answer may reveal more than asking what you are trying to accomplish.
You may discover that a dream, a goal, a conversation, or an opportunity has been sitting patiently in front of you while you devoted your energy to defending yourself from a feeling rather than moving toward a future.
Some things should be warded off.
Some things should be endured.
Some things should be embraced.
A life well-lived requires knowing the difference.
Aspire.
Be Less Reluctant.
Come Upwards with Us™
