What Have You Already Decided Is Inevitable?
As we move toward UnReluctant Day on June 30, we’ve been examining reluctance and the many forms it takes.
Often, reluctance isn’t caused by a lack of ability. It isn’t caused by a lack of opportunity. More often than we realize, reluctance is caused by expectation.
We hesitate because we expect something unpleasant to happen.
We expect criticism.
We expect rejection.
We expect embarrassment.
We expect failure.
We expect social sanction, ridicule, or disapproval.
And because we expect these outcomes, we become reluctant to act. But today I’d like to take the discussion a step deeper for the benefits that will result.
What have you already decided is inevitable?
Some things truly are inevitable. We expect to grow older. We expect seasons to change. We expect life to contain both joy and hardship. But beyond these realities, many of us carry a collection of assumptions about what will happen in our lives.
The interesting part is that these assumptions are rarely written down. We don’t consciously review them. They often operate quietly in the background.
For example, some people have quietly concluded:
“I’ll never be good at public speaking.”
“Relationships always end badly.”
“People like me don’t become successful.”
“Nobody listens to my ideas.”
“I’m always overlooked.”
“I’ll probably never change.”
Notice that these statements are rarely spoken aloud. Yet they often influence decisions every day.
When something is viewed as inevitable, reluctance becomes logical.
Why volunteer to speak if embarrassment feels inevitable?
Why pursue a dream if disappointment feels inevitable?
Why start a relationship if heartbreak feels inevitable?
Why attempt a new challenge if failure feels inevitable?
The expectation becomes a hidden governor on behavior.
One of the most useful exercises you can do is not to ask, “What do I want?” Instead, ask, “What do I believe will happen?” The answer may reveal far more.
Pay attention to recurring phrases in your thinking.
“I already know how this ends.”
“That’s just the way things are.”
“People never change.”
“That won’t work.”
These statements often signal the presence of an assumed inevitability.
The goal isn’t to become unrealistic. The goal isn’t to deny risk or difficulty. The goal is simply to identify the expectations that may be operating beneath your awareness.
Because once an expectation is identified, it can be examined.
Is it true?
Is it always true?
Is it based on evidence or repetition?
Did I arrive at this conclusion through experience, or merely through habit?
Many forms of reluctance begin to weaken when we challenge the inevitabilities we’ve been carrying around for years.
As UnReluctant Day approaches, consider this question:
What have you already decided is inevitable?
The answer may reveal why you’ve been reluctant to begin, reluctant to continue, or reluctant to believe that something better is possible.
Sometimes the path forward doesn’t require more confidence.
Sometimes it simply requires questioning an expectation that has been quietly running your life for far too long.
